Every year I make the same wish though I rarely received a cake. I wish for complete and utter happiness and peace. I want to love and accept my life and feel that it’s perfect even through the rough times. Some believe by telling you my wish that it won’t come true. News flash. I don’t care though I also believe it. I still wish it. It has yet to come true but that will never stop me and maybe by voicing it out loud, something will change.
Today I turned 20. Well technically I don’t turn twenty until 3 something in the morning and it’s only midnight but shhhh.
My plans for this milestone? My celebration of finally leaving my “teen” years behind? I work. I get up. I get dressed and I work with a quick break for lunch. My one celebration was going to be a family dinner, which I cannot attend because I’m picking up my brother from the airport. Instead of enjoying my day and feeling like a princess, I am stressed and unhappy. I am moving back home and feeling like a failure because I cannot afford rent. I am painting a classroom which has taken more time than I thought and leaves me so exhausted at night that I still don’t regain my energy when I wake up. My health is deteriorating slowly but surely as usual when I don’t get any down time. I know I’m only 20 but I’m not where I imagined I would be. I have no relationship, I have no potentional success. All I have is my work. Do not get my wrong. I love my job but I thought I would have a bit more in it at this point. I cry tonight. For no other reason than pitying myself. Tomorrow I will wake up, I will put on a smile and I will act like it doesn’t kill me to not feel special on my special day. From the mouth of a truly mean person in regards to me working on my birthday, ” you’ll [I’ll] be fine.”