You said you wanted me. You said I was the one. You said that you were mine. That we were meant to me. You were so grateful, so thankful. You made me feel.
Feel for you. Feel happiness because of you. Feel joy. Excitement. You made me feel beautiful and wanted and hopeful.
Hopeful that you and I were meant to be. Hopeful that we would be together forever.
You lied to me.
Because you wanted her.
She is the one.
My personal struggle at the moment deals with love. My heart aches for a companion. I long for love and commitment but I have had no luck. I have been off dating sites and things like that for quite a long time now and because of that I do not seem to be meeting anyone new. There’s always that quick smile to a stranger. A fleeting connection but never anything else. It’s heartbreaking. I want to meet someone organically and not controlled by location or interest like an app. I want that movie moment where you meet a stranger and it changes the rest of your life. I am extremely frustrated and have been feeling so hopeless. Despite the fact that I feel this way, I am still not appreciating the very “helpful” advice that I have received.
My list of “helpful” advice that isn’t helpful.
- “You are still young.. A baby..”
- “You have plenty of time”
- “Enjoy yourself, you shouldn’t think about settling down at this age “
- “If you stop looking, you will find someone”
- “One day a guy will start going to church and he will be the one for you”
- “Go out more or you will never meet anyone”
- “Don’t be honest with the guys about what you want, it scares them away”
- “If you would change the way you act and what you say then they wouldn’t leave”
- “Trust me, you will regret getting married so young”
- “You should focus on school”
- “Well I’m ___ years old and I haven’t met anyone “
Why do people give advice like that? Do feelings not matter to anyone? It’s not about my age, or what I’m going to do with my life. It’s about what I long for, what my heart and mind are telling me is important. It’s about the fact that I never imagined that I would be unmarried at the age of 20. Yes, what a shocker. I thought I would get married right out of high school. I am afraid though. Afraid that because I want to be with someone so badly that I’ll never get it. Then I’ll grow old alone always wishing I had met somebody but realizing that it was never meant for me. I don’t want to wait till I’m older to meet someone. I crave the love now. I beg everyday to God that I meet someone. I don’t like to consider myself desperate because I don’t want to settle or pick someone who is not good for me. I want to meet the person who I meant to be with. I want to meet the person who God wants me to be with for the rest of my life. It’s not that I don’t believe in a plan for my life but I would like to see it come true now. It’s hard to be patient when all you want is to meet someone and build a life together.
I just want people to understand that their advice hurts and I can’t help feeling the way I feel.
I do not love you. I do not want you. We have gone our separate ways. Been apart for longer than we have been together. We have no future. We are not a we. You and I will never be together again. There is no chance.
When I see you, I want your attention. I want you to look at me. My heart aches when I think of how lonely I am. You met someone. You are moving on. I am stuck in the past. I thought I let go. But I didn’t want you to move on.. I wanted all the attention. I am selfish. I am jealous.