Tag: God

Generous. 

She was generous. 

But it was to her detriment. 

First she gave all her money. 

 Then she lost her car and then her home. 

But still she gave. 

She roamed the streets hungry and alone. 

But her heart was open to those who needed care. 

She passed a girl who needed her shoes. 

And a man with no jacket soon would see. 

A woman walking who would give him what he needs. 

When the deed was done, she walked on by, barefoot and cold but she did not cry. 

Her pants, her shirt soon dissapeared. 

For everywhere she went, another hand was outstretched. 

Walking naked, brave and strong. 

The light of the Lord called her home. 

For when you give all you have,  all that’s left is your soul. 

Advertisements

Deserve. 

I hate the word deserve when used in a certain context.  “You deserve better” “you will get what you deserve” . None of that is true.

I hate to say it but it’s true. It is rare for someone to truly get what they deserve. 

“The rich get richer and the poor keep dying.”

We deserve nothing. We are destroying our planet because of carelessness and disregard. We feel entitled to take until there is nothing left to give. “Let you, who is without sin, cast the first stone.”  Despite the fact that in our own way  we all do horrible things, some are more blessed than others. I wonder why that is. “Life isn’t fair” they always say but why?  Why isn’t it fair?  “They will get what’s coming to them” No. No they won’t. Not always. But why not?  I do not know. How can we have hope if there is no real fairness system in place.  The Bible says that if we all got what we deserved, we would be in Hell because none of us are without sin. Also it says that every sin has equal value, from murder to bullying, to God there is no difference. Maybe that’s why life isn’t fair. We are all equal. Every choice we make creates a 50/50 chance for good or bad consequence but a bad choice doesn’t always equal a bad consequence . A metaphorical coin toss happens at every crossroad. I still believe we should be kind and do our best but I do not believe there is any point in being so upset when we get the short end of the stick.  We can’t control anything but ourselves. The answer to why me?  Because why not you?  You just happen to be the one this time, but you are not the only one. 

Struggle. 

My personal struggle at the moment deals with love. My heart aches for a companion. I long for love and commitment but I have had no luck.  I have been off dating sites and things like that for quite a long time now and because of that I do not seem to be meeting anyone new. There’s always that quick smile to a stranger.  A fleeting connection but never anything else. It’s heartbreaking.  I want to meet someone organically and not controlled by location or interest like an app. I want that movie moment where you meet a stranger and it changes the rest of your life. I am extremely frustrated and have been feeling so hopeless.  Despite the fact that I feel this way,  I am still not appreciating the very “helpful” advice that I have received. 

My list of “helpful” advice that isn’t helpful.

  • “You are still young.. A baby..”
  • “You have plenty of time”
  • “Enjoy yourself, you shouldn’t think about settling down at this age “
  • “If you stop looking, you will find someone”
  • “One day a guy will start going to church and he will be the one for you”
  • “Go out more or you will never meet anyone” 
  • “Don’t be honest with the  guys about what you want, it scares them away”
  • “If you would change the way you act and what you say then they wouldn’t leave”
  • “Trust me,  you will regret getting married so young”
  • “You should focus on school”
  • “Well I’m ___ years old and I haven’t met anyone “

Why do people give advice like that? Do feelings not matter to anyone?  It’s not about my age, or what I’m going to do with my life.  It’s about what I long for, what my heart and mind are telling me is important. It’s about the fact that I never imagined that I would be unmarried at the age of 20. Yes,  what a shocker. I thought I would get married right out of high school. I am afraid though. Afraid that because I want to be with someone so badly that I’ll never get it. Then I’ll grow old alone always wishing I had met somebody but realizing that it was never meant for me. I don’t want to wait till I’m older to meet someone. I crave the love now. I beg everyday to God that I meet someone. I don’t like to consider myself desperate because I don’t want to settle or pick someone who is not good for me. I want to meet the person who I meant to be with. I want to meet the person who God wants me to be with for the rest of my life. It’s not that I don’t believe in a plan for my life but I would like to see it come true now. It’s hard to be patient when all you want is to meet someone and build a life together.
I just want people to understand that their advice hurts and I can’t help feeling the way I feel.