My soul has an inner battle. Two parts of me, fighting constantly.
Part one: This part of me wants to be alone. To be left at peace. To not deal with the world. To not make more friends. To speak only to the people I have known for long periods of time and even then I do not wish to speak. I like my silence. I like my own individual thoughts. Other’s problems bring out the cold heart in me. I want to care but I can only care if it is something truly important. Do not involve me in childish nonsense. I work hard and do not have time to deal with an immature mentality in someone who should behave as an adult. I crave only to go home and rest. To rejuvenate myself for the next day. I do not want to stay out late, I do not want to force any fun on myself. I am tired, I want to go home. I just want to be alone.
Part two: This part of me wants to belong. I want friends who care about me and want to be involved in my life. I want to feel like a special part of someone’s life. I want to have the energy to go out and experience life to the fullest. I want to make friends, influence lives and know the world and the people in it. I want to fall. Fall in love. Fall in never ending companionship with someone. Stand by someone’s side. The urge to be a daily part of someones life is great. To be important. To matter. To never feel lonely. I want to be a part of a whole. I want my other half.
How can I satisfy my soul that wars with itself. Must I sacrifice one side for the greater good of the other? I will not give up. Both sides are important and for know the battle rages. Who am I without this inner turmoil?