20. 07/24/16

Today I turned 20. Well technically I don’t turn twenty until 3 something in the morning and it’s only midnight but shhhh. 

My plans for this milestone? My celebration of finally leaving my “teen” years behind? I work. I get up. I get dressed and I work with a quick break for lunch. My one celebration was going to be a family dinner,  which I cannot attend because I’m picking up my brother from the airport. Instead of enjoying my day and feeling like a princess, I am stressed and unhappy.  I am moving back home and feeling like a failure because I cannot afford rent. I am painting a classroom which has taken more time than I thought and leaves me so exhausted at night that I still don’t regain my energy when I wake up. My health is deteriorating slowly but surely as usual when I don’t get any down time. I know I’m only 20 but I’m not where I imagined I would be.  I have no relationship, I have no potentional success. All I have is my work. Do not get my wrong.  I love my job but I thought I would have a bit more in it at this point. I cry tonight. For no other reason than pitying myself. Tomorrow I will wake up,  I will put on a smile and I will act like it doesn’t kill me to not feel special on my special day.  From the mouth of a truly mean person in regards to me working on my birthday, ” you’ll [I’ll] be fine.” 

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