I love.

The things I love also break my heart. The chubby foot of a sleeping baby in my lap. A hug that I didn’t expect from a running toddler barrelling towards my legs. A smile so sincere that for a moment the entire world fades away and all I can see is the shining face of a happy child. When they ask me to stay by their side because they do not want to sleep without me, I smile and I sit down and wait. They fall asleep and I walk away with their snores softly ringing in my ears. A bottle to sooth a hungry tummy, a hug to sooth a crying mouth, a tickle to make the giggles come out and an ache in my heart that makes me want to shout. Though this one is not mine, he reaches for me and cries for my attention even though only a second ago he was asleep but his need for me is stronger than the need to sleep. Another who can only speak a few words calls to me and will not leave any place without me, following me, watching me, no privacy. But I do not need privacy or personal space because you can not stop a child from needing the touch of someone who cares. Autism and ADHD do not make them harder to love, in fact every unique child inspires of love so strong that makes you wonder how you love could feel so great. Hearing softly that I am loved by children that I only get to love and cherish for a very short amount of time is the greatest gift I can get. It breaks my heart to drove home alone, leaving these kids in the happy and love filled homes. What did I do to deserve a heart that breaks every time I see a child’s smiling face?

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